Meena Speaks

Meena Speaks

Meena is a big time blogger so be sure, the next post will blow you away, she is one of my bestest internet friends. She is one of those godly persons you just have to know, whom you can always talk to about anything and everything and yet she has this sense of a very simble person all you can do is envy... here is a link to her blog btw which is one of the reasons why i did make this useless excuse for a blog:

Over to Meena:

A Call of Duty



He looked into her eyes, trying to discern what she was hiding. For she was hiding something. He had an hunch and yet, her eyes never wavered. She looked at him with calm certainty. If he would be honest with himself, he would have agreed that this calm smugness of hers irked him. For she was an murderess and she wasn't in the least penitent. And they were in the court. And he was the prosecutor.
It was an unusual case. She was a single mother living in one of those apartments thats found every where. She was known to be a very dedicated mother who took very good care of her 2 year old kid. She lived quietly and 'never was any trouble' the landlord had said.. and yet, when her kid drowned, she was seen to leave the crime scene, a pond in the nearby park, without looking back. She had shed not one tear.

When asked she said, "Sometimes duty makes you take difficult decisions. I have no regrets and have got nothing to say". This seeming indifference and a persistent silence had caught the audiences' imagination and had made her a popular figure. Her callous inaction was long forgotten. And one more piece of mystery was where she had run to leaving her child to die. She refused to answer.

He asked her, " We all know that you are not a neglectful mother. Then it wasn't an accident. How can you kill your child so mercilessly?"

He knew his impassioned speech would make the jury inflamed too. He was tired of media people making her out into some tragic heroine. He again scanned her face for some troubled expression. There was none.

Calmly she said, " If you are looking for remorse, I haven't any. If you are looking for explanation. I am not going to give any too. For what you are giving me as a punishment is actually a release. For I have not erred. I have sinned yes. If I reveal the circumstances, you might think of me as a hero. While I am neither. I am just someone caught in the turning wheels of fate"

Her enigmatic pronouncement created furore in the audience. The flashing of cameras and the noise of the protesting groups and the counter protesting group interfered with the proceedings. It took a lot of time to calm down the crowd.

The prosecutor was thankful for the respite, for he didn't know how to proceed. For she had categorically refused a defense attorney. She had agreed to her crime. It was clear cut case and yet, the lack of emotions bugged him. He wished she would show some emotions. And the deep mystery she created intrigued him as much as the next person.

He continued, " That is really quite a speech. However, I don't think anyone in this court will call you a HERO!! Really a murderess and a hero? Some gall you have my dear!" and he laughed ironically.

She remained quiet.

The judge, sensing that they have reached an impasse, decided to take things into his hand and said gently, " My dear, You know that we cannot make you talk if you don't want to. And you have agreed to the crime. We have no choice but to punish you. And that is what you wish. And my dear puts us in a delicate position. For you see this is as good as abetting in your suicide. Don't you think we need to know how and why you did such an heinous deed? And think of all the mothers in this world whose position is compromised by your actions. Don't they need any justifications?"

She looked at the judge's kindly eyes and said, " I would like you to pronounce the judgement and I want a promise that it wouldn't be re-indicted. Then I shall tell my story. It might seem like a far fetched fantastic story. Some would even call it a web of lies. However, if you dig deep enough, you would know it is true. Please this is the only condition under which I shall tell".

There was a ripple of excitement all around. A pin drop silence ensued. The judge in all his wisdom replied, " I can pronounce the judgement. However, re-indictment is not under me. I cannot promise you that."

Resignedly, she started her story. She was finally tired of this mask that she wore-A mask of unperturbed , implacable emotions that she wore for so long that it had become her actual face. The vulnerable innocence had long died. All she was left with was this mask.

Slowly she says, " There used to be this river where I used to live. And we simple folks.. we used to fish by the river and farm and eat what we had. There used to be music and dances and we all were religious though which religion was never an problem. As it happens, this idyll life was destroyed and how! I saw things which I would rather not re-visit and yet I did.. again and again until it comsumed me and nothing else was left.."

There was complete silence while she tried to control her voice to not show tremor that affected her voice. And then thinking it makes no difference anymore she continued, " I had become an automoton and someone used me as such. A well oiled machine that kills. Yes I was a terrorist. And yet, I dont regret being one."

Shocked evereyone started murmuring. She waited until they subsided.

"It was the only family I knew and we were brothers and sisters in truest sense. For we had no family. And I met him. For the first time in my life I lived. Our meetings however brief they were was the only thing that thawed my heart. My cold heart. And then when I came to know I am pregnant I knew I had to leave. And leave I did. And I betrayed my family to get a free space to stay. And in the end it didn't matter. My child died anyways.... "

" It felt amazing to stay in the new country. I was lonely yes, fearful even.. but I was hopeful. I had not made close friends, but when I stepped outside my house I exchanged smiles. I never had to look back and front before I stepped out. It took time but normalcy visited my heart. I could go out in the park with my mun-mun and I could dream about things of flowers and bees and of clouds and seas. Until that fateful day someone called me Nilofer.. No one called me that for a long time and yet my mind responded to it without hesitation and there he was .. So handsome so majestic and yet so utterly lonely and so tired. We caught up with news. Talked like nothing was wrong and yet I knew he is going to kill me. And he knew I knew. I didnt beg. ?He knew I wouldn't. I didn't have to. One look at our child and he changed his mind. He asked me to come with him to leave the place and to run away with him. He was tired of the cause too.

I often wonder late in the night in the prison while I am lying on the bed long after the sleep hours, utterly awake, if I should have gone with him. We would have had such a beautiful life. May be we did have a choice. And yet at that moment it didnt seem right. For you see the plan was to frame me in an terrorist attack in a way trapping me. I could come with them and then they would have blackmailed me all my life into submission or I could do nothing and be apprehended for a crime I didnt commit. No one would have believed me. And he gave me an other choice. However, I chose the fourth path. And that caused the tussle between us. Harsh physical tussle where both want to hurt may be to kill too.
I swear we both didn't realize when mum-mum crawled over to the pond. Such was the effect of the fight. We both ran towards him.. and when he, my lover, reached the kid on time, I decided to run away. For you see the plan was to plant a bomb in the local school. Many kids would have died"

There was a huge commotion when this was heard. After all most kids went to this school and no one ever came to know about it and it was plausible yes but not easy to believe.

After sometime she continued with tears in her eyes, " When my lover realized I am running away to save the school kids, he tried to stop me by jumping into the waters with .. with mun-mun.. he knew I wouldn't risk his life.. but I knew he wouldn't too. He loved the kid the moment he set eyes on mun-mun.. besides he wasnt as hard hearted as he thought he was... So I went.. and.. when I returned my child was dead"

She broke into sobs. No one dared to touch that fragile soul but it was heart rending to behold her crashing . They were all used to seeing her strong..

But the story was not over she continued.... " He.. got caught in the quick sand and when he realized he did try to save the baby. I could have saved my child... but I was too far and I might have been too late and I couldn't have saved the school. I had a choice and I made it. I dunno if I would make the same choice again, if I could go back. May be not.. You may call it an elaborate lie to save my soul.... I dont care and I dont want to explain or justify it.. "

There was complete silence in the room. No one knew what to do. Thats when a shot ran across the room. And she was dead. No one saw the shot coming or from whom. But the sound of the shot will echo in their dreams for a long long time....

And no one noticed the pistol that the prosecutor slipped inside his briefcase.. He had accomplished what her stupid boyfriend hadn't accomplished..