Sunday, May 31, 2009
Warning 2: This post has been written over a matter of 7 days whenever a laptop or a computer was found near me so the thought might not be very consistent throughout
Back to the topic, it is my firm belief that fat people are comparatively more jollier than people who are not very fat(like totally, who ever is opposite to this guy(this guy meaning me, for further doubts refer to the post "Parenthesis (aside))" has to be jolly). Though it may not always be true that the fatter the jollier. What i am trying to convey(like i have told hundreds of people complaining about "weight issues")there is nothing wrong in being fat or eating excess. i have 3-4 butter naans and 2-3 curries all by myself when i eat out(+desert), i sure am no good for an example but i feel people should be less concerned about their weight and what other people think about it. What i resent is not people complaining, people just need a reason to whine all the time, what i don't like is when they do really weird stuff under the name "Weight loss". Please eat, and eat what you'd like to eat, food is like beer, sure it makes you fat, but you love it(not the best representation, huh?(how about, food is like wine.... umm no, lets not go there either). What really amuses me is how this has become such a big problem, i mean, say 2 decades ago there weren't so many people who complained about being "obese" or the concept of an institution dedicated for weight reduction was absurd. We even had actors and actresses who are fat(in the lead roles!!). What happened? Suddenly fat walked out of the home of fashion and closed the door so hard it made the owner angry?
Now if someone complains about how they were made fun of for being fat or looked at otherwise, i understand how you feel, i was made fun of for being thin(extremely thin is a keyword here and that is one thing he really hates, being thin.) remember those days when people made you eat and eat just because you are thin(they still exist btw) and all those people who complained about you being weak and all cruel and nasty stuff. Take it to another level, is there something(anything at all) unusual about you that people ask you to change some characteristic or some feature that might not seem appropriate to pass off as normal or ordinary?(well if there isn't and you are a hot young chick email me your number ;)) for one at least i believe that everyone might answer the previous question in the positive because face it, no body is perfect, or for that even ordinary. All im trying to say is if you are not yourself then who will be?(it's funny you know, 8 beers and still he talks serious shit)
Back to the topic, Fat people are jolly, even if it is related to their weight or not(Yes, that was not supposed to make sense). I guess the reason they are kinder to people is because they lack egoistic feelings. Whatever may be the reason, the bigger the person, the better they are inside. That is generally the case, though it may differ from person to person
To sign off, here is a fat, happy and lazy cat's opinions on exercise:
Sunday, May 17, 2009
here, just to prove i am a really big copycat. a few of them were copied from friends, obviously might cause a few problems
*Home is where you can scratch where it itches.
*Home is where you can scratch when it itches.
-A follower of this blog
*A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.
-Joseph Stalin (1879 - 1953)
*Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve."
-George Bernard Shaw
*Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one."
*Death is better, a milder fate than tyranny.
-Aeschylus (525 BC - 456 BC)
*We made too many wrong mistakes.
*You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.
-Albert Einstein(that makes me understand nothing)
*if you dont suck at anything that means you suck at sucking and that means you suck any way
*A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.
*The advantage of being a pessimist is that whatever happens is what you expected or a pleasant surprise(or something similar to that)
-The first commenter on this blog
Don't stop me if you've heard this one before.
*Life is what happens when you are making other plans.
*What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.
*Artificial intellegence stands no chance against natural stupidity
-unclaimed(or i dont know, never bothered looking up either)
*It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
*What if you're a really good person, but you get into a really, really bad fight and your leg gets gangrene and it has to be amputated. Will it be waiting for you in heaven?
*I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't ddknow why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!
*I didn't do it, no one saw me do it, there's no way you can prove anything!
*There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson.
*Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.
*Remember, you can always find East by staring directly at the sun.
*Inside every hardened criminal beats the heart of a ten-year-old boy.
*Life can be wildly tragic at times, and I've had my share. But whatever happens to you, you have to keep a slightly comic attitude. In the final analysis, you have got not to forget to laugh.
Katharine Hepburn(Who cares about the quote, we care about her;) )
*Acting is a nice childish profession - pretending you're someone else and at the same time selling yourself.
Wernher von Braun :
*Crash programs fail because they are based on the theory that, with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby a month.
*There is just one thing I can promise you about the outer-space program - your tax-dollar will go further.
*Basic research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
*We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming.
One i strongly object to by personal experience:
*One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.
Rita Mae Brown
A very important note to all:
*Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
E. B. White
*He who cannot be a good follower cannot be a good leader.
*Those that know, do. Those that understand, teach.
*Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well.
*The whole is more than the sum of its parts.
*The aim of art is to represent not the outward appearance of things, but their inward significance.
*To love someone is to identify with them.
*Law is mind without reason.
That is all for now.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Though at times it might confuse the reader(which i probably did in the previous line), that is a risk which i am willing to take, for you see, that is the only way i can bring out the conflicting thoughts existing in my mind about something (translation: i hate him, he hates me, only by the usage of parenthesis(i ctrl+v-ed) we co-exist)
check out that community on orkut and read the description(That's what im talking about!!)
Anyway to end this post(or a useless excuse for a post) i just want to say(i made him say this) sometimes using a parenthesis(you already know it is ctrl+v-ed by now) might surprise yourself about a different perspective you never knew you had(in simple Akshayism: When you don't know what to say but you have to say something, carefully manipulate the words to say all that you can say.)
Friday, May 8, 2009
This blog sucks doesn't it?
have any better ideas to waste time?(i mean better than sleeping, to which we give unconditional support)
no? too bad, that is why this blog... yes another saddening reality in life
though the real reason im posting on this blog today is because of one of my very good friends who blogged about Akshayism in the first place.
I've also decided to put up a meaningful post*crowd stunned*
you didn't think you could find anything meaningful here did ya wiseguy? yes in view of being un-genderbiased i add you too "wisegirl" ofcourse one is only forced to expect that in the near future we will be able to see "wisecow" or "wisedog" maybe even "wiseass" being used in a more literal sense where the "living thing" referred to is not offended by the remark.... all this due to continued efforts by all the animal rights activists, against whom(please do not get me wrong) i have nothing against.
^^ see the amount of crap that comes out of animals? :P
bad jokes aside, i intend to be more active in this blog and given my recent absence from the internet(innernet if you are american, but then again if you are ameriki you wouldnt probably have read this far, would you?) scene(you haven't noticed? you are only too kind) i guess i better make up for the loss by a few posts in this blog which very few people read in the first place....
a few changes are under the pipeline, i hope you like them.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
and though it is funny, the worst part is, you cant laugh at it. It takes a really big person(not necessarily with reference to physical size)to laugh at his own misfortunes. People often confuse the real people who can take everything in their stride with low self esteem, good for nothing pessimists like myself(for example, when someone tricks me, or maybe hacks my account i feel happy for the fact that some person actually spends their time and whatever small amount of money it must have caused them to trick ME!! i feel honoured that someone would work so hard to do such a thing to me which makes me feel all the more worthy, only to lose the upbeat mood in a minute or two
To stop talking about me, i would like to talk/type about 2 things here
1 the kind of people who somehow learn to say, okay fine, no problemo and move on
2 the way the time keeps moving
1.i met answers to the people of the first point on my recent visit to mumbai, though the city has always fascinated me and has many other interesting things(about which i might post in the near future, no guarantees though), what i like is the way the people cope up. *Shit happened* the people" acha? kaise hua?" "chalo thik hai tenshun nako" "lets work twice as hard" and all that with a smile on their face.
Maybe they hide their disappointment, maybe they are used to set backs and shit happening to them all their lives, maybe they are plain stupid. Whatever be the reason, for one, i am impressed
if you want to learn from others and improve, learn from them. and i am not talk about the people living in rich fancy bungalows in colaba or juhu, i am talking the more realistic middle class Bombay which starts right from, maybe Dadar and down, the other Bombay is just another Delhi.
2.The other thing includes the way time moves on, though at this point of time i have lost interest in what i originally wanted to type and have told myself to not be so serious. it is amazing how things change by, how things you once swore could never improve/reprove actually improve/reprove.
See how time goes on, at the begining of this post, wanted to explain in detail about the actual content of this post right here, but by this time i somehow dont even want to type, all i want to do is end another of my really bad posts.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Meena is a big time blogger so be sure, the next post will blow you away, she is one of my bestest internet friends. She is one of those godly persons you just have to know, whom you can always talk to about anything and everything and yet she has this sense of a very simble person all you can do is envy... here is a link to her blog btw which is one of the reasons why i did make this useless excuse for a blog:
Over to Meena:
A Call of Duty
He looked into her eyes, trying to discern what she was hiding. For she was hiding something. He had an hunch and yet, her eyes never wavered. She looked at him with calm certainty. If he would be honest with himself, he would have agreed that this calm smugness of hers irked him. For she was an murderess and she wasn't in the least penitent. And they were in the court. And he was the prosecutor.
It was an unusual case. She was a single mother living in one of those apartments thats found every where. She was known to be a very dedicated mother who took very good care of her 2 year old kid. She lived quietly and 'never was any trouble' the landlord had said.. and yet, when her kid drowned, she was seen to leave the crime scene, a pond in the nearby park, without looking back. She had shed not one tear.
When asked she said, "Sometimes duty makes you take difficult decisions. I have no regrets and have got nothing to say". This seeming indifference and a persistent silence had caught the audiences' imagination and had made her a popular figure. Her callous inaction was long forgotten. And one more piece of mystery was where she had run to leaving her child to die. She refused to answer.
He asked her, " We all know that you are not a neglectful mother. Then it wasn't an accident. How can you kill your child so mercilessly?"
He knew his impassioned speech would make the jury inflamed too. He was tired of media people making her out into some tragic heroine. He again scanned her face for some troubled expression. There was none.
Calmly she said, " If you are looking for remorse, I haven't any. If you are looking for explanation. I am not going to give any too. For what you are giving me as a punishment is actually a release. For I have not erred. I have sinned yes. If I reveal the circumstances, you might think of me as a hero. While I am neither. I am just someone caught in the turning wheels of fate"
Her enigmatic pronouncement created furore in the audience. The flashing of cameras and the noise of the protesting groups and the counter protesting group interfered with the proceedings. It took a lot of time to calm down the crowd.
The prosecutor was thankful for the respite, for he didn't know how to proceed. For she had categorically refused a defense attorney. She had agreed to her crime. It was clear cut case and yet, the lack of emotions bugged him. He wished she would show some emotions. And the deep mystery she created intrigued him as much as the next person.
He continued, " That is really quite a speech. However, I don't think anyone in this court will call you a HERO!! Really a murderess and a hero? Some gall you have my dear!" and he laughed ironically.
She remained quiet.
The judge, sensing that they have reached an impasse, decided to take things into his hand and said gently, " My dear, You know that we cannot make you talk if you don't want to. And you have agreed to the crime. We have no choice but to punish you. And that is what you wish. And my dear puts us in a delicate position. For you see this is as good as abetting in your suicide. Don't you think we need to know how and why you did such an heinous deed? And think of all the mothers in this world whose position is compromised by your actions. Don't they need any justifications?"
She looked at the judge's kindly eyes and said, " I would like you to pronounce the judgement and I want a promise that it wouldn't be re-indicted. Then I shall tell my story. It might seem like a far fetched fantastic story. Some would even call it a web of lies. However, if you dig deep enough, you would know it is true. Please this is the only condition under which I shall tell".
There was a ripple of excitement all around. A pin drop silence ensued. The judge in all his wisdom replied, " I can pronounce the judgement. However, re-indictment is not under me. I cannot promise you that."
Resignedly, she started her story. She was finally tired of this mask that she wore-A mask of unperturbed , implacable emotions that she wore for so long that it had become her actual face. The vulnerable innocence had long died. All she was left with was this mask.
Slowly she says, " There used to be this river where I used to live. And we simple folks.. we used to fish by the river and farm and eat what we had. There used to be music and dances and we all were religious though which religion was never an problem. As it happens, this idyll life was destroyed and how! I saw things which I would rather not re-visit and yet I did.. again and again until it comsumed me and nothing else was left.."
There was complete silence while she tried to control her voice to not show tremor that affected her voice. And then thinking it makes no difference anymore she continued, " I had become an automoton and someone used me as such. A well oiled machine that kills. Yes I was a terrorist. And yet, I dont regret being one."
Shocked evereyone started murmuring. She waited until they subsided.
"It was the only family I knew and we were brothers and sisters in truest sense. For we had no family. And I met him. For the first time in my life I lived. Our meetings however brief they were was the only thing that thawed my heart. My cold heart. And then when I came to know I am pregnant I knew I had to leave. And leave I did. And I betrayed my family to get a free space to stay. And in the end it didn't matter. My child died anyways.... "
" It felt amazing to stay in the new country. I was lonely yes, fearful even.. but I was hopeful. I had not made close friends, but when I stepped outside my house I exchanged smiles. I never had to look back and front before I stepped out. It took time but normalcy visited my heart. I could go out in the park with my mun-mun and I could dream about things of flowers and bees and of clouds and seas. Until that fateful day someone called me Nilofer.. No one called me that for a long time and yet my mind responded to it without hesitation and there he was .. So handsome so majestic and yet so utterly lonely and so tired. We caught up with news. Talked like nothing was wrong and yet I knew he is going to kill me. And he knew I knew. I didnt beg. ?He knew I wouldn't. I didn't have to. One look at our child and he changed his mind. He asked me to come with him to leave the place and to run away with him. He was tired of the cause too.
I often wonder late in the night in the prison while I am lying on the bed long after the sleep hours, utterly awake, if I should have gone with him. We would have had such a beautiful life. May be we did have a choice. And yet at that moment it didnt seem right. For you see the plan was to frame me in an terrorist attack in a way trapping me. I could come with them and then they would have blackmailed me all my life into submission or I could do nothing and be apprehended for a crime I didnt commit. No one would have believed me. And he gave me an other choice. However, I chose the fourth path. And that caused the tussle between us. Harsh physical tussle where both want to hurt may be to kill too.
I swear we both didn't realize when mum-mum crawled over to the pond. Such was the effect of the fight. We both ran towards him.. and when he, my lover, reached the kid on time, I decided to run away. For you see the plan was to plant a bomb in the local school. Many kids would have died"
There was a huge commotion when this was heard. After all most kids went to this school and no one ever came to know about it and it was plausible yes but not easy to believe.
After sometime she continued with tears in her eyes, " When my lover realized I am running away to save the school kids, he tried to stop me by jumping into the waters with .. with mun-mun.. he knew I wouldn't risk his life.. but I knew he wouldn't too. He loved the kid the moment he set eyes on mun-mun.. besides he wasnt as hard hearted as he thought he was... So I went.. and.. when I returned my child was dead"
She broke into sobs. No one dared to touch that fragile soul but it was heart rending to behold her crashing . They were all used to seeing her strong..
But the story was not over she continued.... " He.. got caught in the quick sand and when he realized he did try to save the baby. I could have saved my child... but I was too far and I might have been too late and I couldn't have saved the school. I had a choice and I made it. I dunno if I would make the same choice again, if I could go back. May be not.. You may call it an elaborate lie to save my soul.... I dont care and I dont want to explain or justify it.. "
There was complete silence in the room. No one knew what to do. Thats when a shot ran across the room. And she was dead. No one saw the shot coming or from whom. But the sound of the shot will echo in their dreams for a long long time....
And no one noticed the pistol that the prosecutor slipped inside his briefcase.. He had accomplished what her stupid boyfriend hadn't accomplished..
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
I was thinking.
I don't like the idea of culture messing up my private preferences.
I mean if I wanna get drunk in a pub,I don't want some fanatics bashing my head because I defied my country's culture.
I admit I get uneasy about all the culture thing when it comes to a certain level,where they tell us how we ought to talk,walk and think.I get the feeling they intrude upon my freedom and my privacy.
Culture means everything to some people.
Umm..well...not to me.I am not against it.But I don't know what's the big deal about it.
Maybe I am shallow and unwise.*shrugs* It's not as if Brahma or Jesus or Allah or anything divine or superior in any way send it down to earth straight from the heaven.It's man-made,okay?Another human being(s) created and moulded it aeons ago.
Alright,there is the artistic beautiful element about culture.It's curious and intriguing.No denying that.Maybe things would look drab without multitudes of culture around the world.I adore culture in a plane it doesn't affect an individual's right to choose.I am thinking about art forms;food,architecture,music,dance,martial arts and the sort.They are adorable,exotic.
And I umm... :D... I like the idea of a cultural museum being set up in different places where they could frame good old costumes,ornaments,wax models or paintings of art forms (though I prefer they remain eternal) so that posterity can have a look at them and say "Oh so this what a sari is!" :|.
Yea... so I thought right then, not what to name my kids...coz I (sorry, WE) will decide that when the time is right, but what will life be like when our kids will be with us.
And I had an ear to ear smile sketched on my face which was already painted in the colors of happiness.
I know I'll be a good mom.
Just then I took a sneak peek into the future and saw me and my lil girl sitting and throwing balloons filled with paints on a huge canvas set against the wall.
Yes, You heard that right...we were not doing homework!
I know I'll teach my kids things no school can teach them
I know I'll spend time with them
I know I'll not ask them to not have too many friends(something my 'mom' remind me every weekday)
I know I'll make them whatever they want to be
I 'll teach them how to play the piano and listen to Mozart before they think "Anu malik" made/makes music
I know I'll go cycling with 'em
I know I'll tell 'em to cook their old folks dinner once a month
I know I wont tell 'em what grades I got at school or how many hours a day did I put into my books or how I got no pocket money or how I was at sainik school(I am not:P) and washed my clothes myself(I, again, don't!)
I know I'll help 'em pick up reading and if they don't like reading I'll make 'em see some nice Indian cinema (the best movies are made here people. I say this after I dont watch ANY movies)
I know I'll teach 'em how to appreciate art and life .
I know I'll take 'em to the local orphanage once a month(I have never been there with my parents)
I know I'll not ask 'em why don't they get top grades at school.
I know I'll never stop 'em from eating loads of chocolate[erm...maybe I'll]
I know I'll let 'em be themselves...
And I promise I'll never tell 'em to be like me!
I hope I'll be a good mom.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Like totally jobless, its been so long with nothing to do, you keep piling up things in the stack that when you finally have some free time, you dont know if you follow FIFO or LIFO, yes stacks and queues is where the class has reached and no, i am not happy with the money.
Friday, February 20, 2009
-The rest get rather very boring
A Butter phulka in a cd player(starting and ending line)
A man walks into a bar with a cheese sandwich under his arm. "A pint of Guinness for me and the cheese sandwich," he says to the barman.
"I'm sorry, sir," replies the barman, "we don't serve food in here."
Is that not the stupidest joke you have ever heard?? now imagine someone comes online at 1.30 am to wake you up from your happy sleep and make you sign in to your account(yes it is a boring task) and then sends you this pathetic excuse for a joke!! and i thought my jokes were bad. i also thought by mistake(by blunder actually) that i was the best person to explain what is meant by justifiable homicide.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Get ready you ugly scum, you will be able to turn heads around if you converse in "English" and for a change they wont really care about your ugly looks, rarely understand what you are saying but the fact that you speak "English" makes you of an elite class of people. Add to that a foreign accent and complete disrespect to pronunciation of Indian words then you are at the top of the food chain.
We are so obsessed with it, have we ever been able to comprehend why? The "English Medium Schools" even in the slum areas are considered posh and minimum standard, if you are from a government school you are treated/looked upon equivalent to the person who does a very small job with pay as grace of the so called "affluent"(I use the word with great disrespect).
What?? No English, okay okay, i know all about you.
The worst part is when someone tries to correct someone else, the first person is invariably wrong. The use of a multi syllable word is considered posh and stylish and yet, you is never you but 'u', are-'r' and the worst of all, disrespect to the one thing still considered sacred to the Indian mind 'mah'/'ma'. Why o why do you have to drag our mothers into this? I don't really mind the use of short forms as much as i mind that last word, to some extent I understand if you use the sms lingo but please draw limits.
At the end of the day the reason i initially sat down to write this post postponing a mid sem exam is to highlight one thing only, please don't make such a big deal out of it, unless really necessary
-(Butter Phulka in a CD Player) Akshay
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Akki never sees south indian films(being south indian) , i wont see bollywood movies(naturally, i dont understand them and i react to comedy scenes only after the rest of the audience has erupted in laughter without much knowledge of what is going on).
The reason i posted this was that i want to tell you that i feel that we are right persons to be in the industry. One day we will surely make a film on our own production, banner, direction, actors, even lyrics, songs we dont leave any branches of it(akshay is laughing loudly next to me and tells me to add "audience" too). We request Praveen, Please, dont hit on our stomach as we think he is the right opponent of us. I have said this because he has mindblowing scripts both in his hands and his brain.
seriously, i support the idea though maybe not to the comical extent my dear fellow blogger takes it, we are actually the type of characters in Style ,remember the hindi movie(though we don't know who is sharman joshi and who is Sahil Khan) we are actually good, but alas we dont like the same type of flims, but we are fans of BK.
This is Akshay, sorry for the horrible name with which i post, i have never found a proper nickname, i mean seriously, the following are the attempts to nickname me, unforuntately/fortunately none of them worked:
- Fuckshay(least worked),
- Giraffe(really common one),
- Extra-terrertrial freak(didnt work at all),
- Goat(for a temporary beard, again failed),
- Hi"gher" iyer(never understood this one),
- Akki bono(the one that lasted more than many, which i only recently realised was the name of a sumo wrestler in Japan, ofcourse bono of U2)
Feel friendly, share your views, that's it, nothing done intentionally.
P.S. Don't mind Akki's posts he is like that always.....